Who am I ?

Who am I ?

Who am I to anyone ?

What do I mean to someone ?

What do I mean to myself ?

I mean nothing to anyone. I am a nobody. I will be gone without ever being noticed. Even the people who I think notice me will also be gone. I will be gone without a trace.

I mean nothing.

Who am I ?

I am a nobody.

Its so amazing and kinda stupid that this heart races towards a someone, when I am a nobody. Its so stupid. My heart is so funny. These are my friends, these are mine, this a special someone to me, these are my parents, these are family. Its so stupid.

Who am I to anyone ? Nothing.

I am nothing.

I mean nothing to anyone.

All this love I want to give all these people, does it have any value ? What is this love that I want to give ? All these thoughts, feelings and emotions. What is this?

This interesting thought occured to me..

Its been a week since I died. People stopped crying on the first day itself. LOL. Some thought of me for a couple of days, like immediate family and friends, and they also got back to their stuff. All rituals have been done. Its over. Ashes have been dissolved in a river. Its all been done. The garland of flowers around my photograph have withered since its been more than ten days now. Khatam. Finish. My senses have gone and my mind is about to go into a deep sleep. And I think to myself, what did all this mean ? All this running around, this feverishness, the anxiety and burden I carried. What was all this for ? All this trying to please, impress everyone. This wanting to achieve, to accumulate, to enjoy, to have pleasure. What does it mean ?

Its so funny. Everything I had struggled for, was all gone. It never came with me.

Two questions from basic course come to my mind.

1) What have you done to bring out the divine qualities in others ?
2) What have you done to bring satisfaction to yourself ?

In the end, its "what have you done while alive ?" rather than "How did you feel while out there?" . Its not a big deal how I feel, wht really matters is what did I do. What have I done for others? It might mean nothing, I might be a nobody. But I can contribute my two cents.

What have I done for others ? To how many people did I bring happiness to ? How useful was I to people around me? Did I make the life on this planet better?

Just thinking how my Gurudev works is amazing. How he is committed to his work. All he wants is me to be happy. So beautiful. It brings tears to my eyes, just realizing that he loves me so much. All he cares is if I am happy or not ! Such selfless, non-judgemental love. Oh Boy! tears did really come !

All glories to my Gurudev, the eternal Being.